The Benefits of Not Being Perfect

In my view, good enough and done supersedes perfect.

When I think of perfectionism, especially how it's portrayed in the media, it's usually wrapped in praise or admiration. Like the perfectionistic actor who is obsessed with his "craft" or the detail-oriented film director who has to get every frame just right — even if it makes everyone on set miserable ^[1]. The message is pretty clear: perfectionism means excellence, commitment, and high standards. Mastery. Genius. As if being really, really hard on yourself is a noble personality trait.

Broadly speaking, there are three kinds of perfectionism. The first is self-oriented perfectionism, which is the unrelenting need to be flawless. The second is socially-prescribed perfectionism which involves setting excessively high standards for oneself due to the fear of social judgment. The third is other-oriented perfectionism, which involves being highly critical of and demanding perfection from others - we won't be discussing this type much today. Perfectionism has also been classified as either maladaptive or adaptive. Research shows that excessive perfectionistic tendencies (the maladaptive type) may lead to hypercriticism, procrastination, anxiety, worry, catastrophizing, distress, depression, blame, guilt, negative self-evaluations, and a fear of failure, pressure, and making mistakes.

Having said this, as someone who is conscientious, it's hard not to try to be perfect ^[2]. A degree of perfectionism also plays an important role in success (the adaptive type). It often fuels motivation and drive, reflects a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility, sharpens attention to detail, and supports a goal-oriented mindset.

And so, the key is to dial the volume to a range that is helpful and not harmful. The ultimate question is - how do we strive for excellence and growth while not succumbing to unhelpful perfectionistic tendencies?

How Not To Be Perfect

...and still strive for growth & excellence

Recognize when and why you are being perfectionistic

The first step to anything is to start by recognizing when we're doing it and what for. Are you procrastinating? Are you afraid of something? Are you afraid of social judgment? Is your critiquing getting in the way of action? Are you highly conscious of mistakes?

Next, ask yourself: what does my need to be perfect say about me? What is the core belief behind the action? Some examples may be “If I’m not perfect, I won’t be accepted or respected” or “Mistakes equal failure — and failure means I’m not good enough.”

Knowing why is half the battle.

Reframe your thoughts

Challenge unhelpful thoughts. For example, if you think, "If I don't get this right on the first go, I'm a failure" you can reframe this to "I don't have to get it right on the first try. I can practice, and can let my final try be the try that counts". Question yourself - just because we think something, doesn't mean it's true. Fact check - what's the evidence for or against this thought? Use meaningful affirmations to challenge the thought. Remind yourself of your values and greater purpose.

Set SMART goals

SMART stands for:

• Specific = Define exactly what you are trying to achieve
• Measurable = How will you know when you've achieved the goal?
• Attainable = Is your goal realistic and achievable?
• Relevant = Is your goal worthwhile and applicable to what you want to accomplish?
• Timely = Set a feasible deadline to start and end the goal

Set realistic, reasonable goals, and don't overcommit.

Do Do Do

Doing is the opposite of procrastination. You don't have to see the whole road and the nitty-gritty of how everything will work out before you start. Just start somewhere and practice being okay with learning and figuring things out along the way.

Build stackable habits

Stack new behaviors with current habits to help you build a process or lifestyle toward getting your goals. For example: "After I make my morning coffee, I’ll write one sentence in my journal," or "After I drop the kids off at school, I’ll walk for 5 minutes before heading home."

Be flexible/ adaptable every day

Things change. You could plan for something to happen a certain way but there are always uncontrollable factors at play. The quicker you accept change, the quicker you can reassess the next steps toward your goal.

Embrace mistakes

It's OKAY to make mistakes 🙂 Forgive yourself for mistakes that you think you've made and figure out a way to rectify them. We learn more from our mistakes than we do from our successes.

Stop comparisons

This is probably one of the hardest things to do. You have to be enough for yourself in your head. Engage in self-compassion and focus on your strengths. Reconsider who you spend time with and who is in your inner circle. Purge your social media. Rely on a trusted person (friend/ partner/ mentor) who can offer support in tough moments.

Develop a growth mindset

Dr. Carol Dweck coined the term growth mindset. A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities, intelligence, and talents can be developed over time through effort, learning, and persistence. This is opposed to having a fixed mindset, the belief that your qualities are static and can’t be changed. Having a growth mindset means believing that you can learn, improve, and grow. Give yourself time and space to practice.

Don't focus on the outcome, focus on doing your best

So many successful people have recognized the importance of focusing on what you CAN do. Surrender the rest and be happy that you put forth your best efforts. Your best is enough.

"The process is more important than the result". - M. S. Dhoni, Indian Cricketer

Restart!

The inspiration for this one is a Hindi movie called 12th Fail^[3]. Keep the mourning period short and restart asap. This also reminds me of what Serbian tennis player, Novak Djokovic said in an interview: "The sooner you can get back to baseline and try again, the more chances you'll give yourself to succeed".

Notice the beauty in imperfection

Accept yourself for who you are. Flaws included. It's our differences and uniqueness that add to the beautiful diversity of this world. Be real.