The Benefits of Not Being Perfect

“I’m such a perfectionist that I'd kinda rather not do it at all than do a crappy version" - Ryan Howard, The Office

The need to be flawless (self-oriented perfectionism) and setting excessively high standards for oneself due to the fear of social judgment (socially prescribed perfectionism) often makes us either obsess over outcomes or not take action. As someone who is conscientious, it's hard not to try to be perfect. However, as with most things, too much of something isn't a good thing. Excessive perfectionistic tendencies lead to hypercriticism, and procrastination and have been linked with many mental health issues including anxiety, depression, harmful eating behaviors, chronic pain, as well as poor physical health.

Nevertheless, a degree of perfectionism also plays an important role in success, and so we want to dial the volume to a range that is helpful and not harmful. The question is - how do we strive for excellence and growth while not succumbing to unhelpful perfectionistic tendencies?

How Not To Be Perfect (and strive for growth & excellence)

Recognize when you are being perfectionistic

The first step to anything is to start by recognizing when we're doing it and what for. Are you procrastinating? Are you afraid of something? Is your critiquing getting in the way of action? Are you highly conscious of mistakes? Knowing why is half the battle.

Reframe your thoughts

Challenge unhelpful thoughts. For example, if you think, "If I don't get this right on the first go, I'm a failure" you can reframe this to "I don't have to get it right on the first try. I can practice, and can let my final try be the try that counts". Question yourself - just because we think something, doesn't mean it's true. Fact check - what's the evidence for or against this thought? Use meaningful affirmations to challenge the thought. Remind yourself of your values and greater purpose. 

Set SMART goals

SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. Set realistic, reasonable goals, and don't overcommit.

Do Do Do 

Doing is the opposite of procrastination. You don't have to see the whole road and the nitty-gritty of how everything will work out before you start. Just start somewhere and practice being okay with learning and figuring things out along the way.

Build stackable habits 

Stack new habits with current habits to help you build a process or lifestyle toward getting your goals.

Be flexible/ adaptable every day

Things change. You could plan for something to happen a certain way but there are always uncontrollable factors at play. The quicker you accept change, the quicker you can reassess the next steps toward your goal. 

Embrace mistakes

It's OKAY to make mistakes 🙂 Forgive yourself for mistakes that you think you've made and figure out a way to rectify them. We learn more from our mistakes than we do from our successes.

Stop Comparisons

This is probably one of the hardest things to do. You have to be enough for yourself in your head. Engage in self-compassion and focus on your strengths. Reconsider who you spend time with and who is in your inner circle. Purge your social media. Rely on a trusted person (friend/ partner/ mentor) who can offer support in tough moments. 

Develop a growth mindset

Give yourself time and space to practice. Per Dr. Dweck, having a growth mindset means believing that you can learn, improve, and grow. 

Don't focus on the outcome, focus on doing your best

The Gita says, कर्म करो फल की चिंता मत करो (focus on your actions, don't worry about the results). So many successful people have recognized the importance of focusing on what you CAN do. Surrender the rest and be happy that you put forth your best efforts. Your best is enough.

"The process is more important than the result". - M. S. Dhoni, Indian Cricketer

Restart! 

The inspiration for this one is a Hindi movie called 12th Fail. Keep the mourning period short and restart asap. As Novak Djokovic once said, "The sooner you can get back to baseline and try again, the more chances you'll give yourself to succeed".

Notice the beauty in imperfection

Accept yourself for who you are. Flaws included. It's our differences and uniqueness that add to the beautiful diversity of this world. Be real.